How I Ran a Half Marathon (and you can, too!). (Part 2 of 2)

(continued from previous post...)


9. Eat food.


On your long runs make sure that you eat within 30 minutes of finishing the run. It can just be a little snack but it should have protein to help your muscles repair. Nonfat chocolate milk is awesome for that – it’s become one of those most recommended post-workout staples because it’s tasty, it has lactose to help your muscles and the chocolate powder has some sugar and carbs to help refuel. You can also have turkey, nuts, peanut butter sandwich, etc… Keep it healthy and high in protein and only a couple hundred calories. This isn’t supposed to be a meal. Your body really needs it, though, because you’ve broken down muscle with all that running and it’s looking for help rebuilding. It’ll help reduce potential soreness the next day. When you get to the point that you’re running 8+ miles you should consider getting something to eat around your halfway point or every few miles. The Clif blocks are pretty tasty and bonus: they don’t get all melty when it’s hot / you’re hot and sweaty. It can actually be something like a snack-size Snickers (I know a hard core runner who swears by the mini candies). Personally, I like to avoid that much sugar (it makes my mouth all sticky and I end up doing the super cool run-hack-spit-run-repeat moves) but it’s your call - you want sugar, carbs and protein to keep you moving.


10. Drink lots of water.

I know this seems like a given. It’s not. Make sure you drink extra the day before a long run, too. Personal whoops: I didn’t drink enough the day before I ran the half-marathon. Even though I was grabbing water/Gatorade at the stations along the route so I thought I was hydrating well, I wasn’t. I ended up in the ER that night because I was dehydrated. Trust me, it’s a lot less fun than you think it is, especially when it gets to the point that you can’t even hold down water and spend hours dry heaving. DRINK THE WATER.  Americans are perpetually dehydrated. If you only drink when you’re actually thirsty you’ve waited too long. I have 32-ounce Nalgene bottles and I aim to drink at least four of them a day.

11. Sodium &Sweat.

As for the Gatorade/Powerade/etc? Sports drinks are good after long runs and lots of people recommend them or “recovery” drinks. Your body will know w hat you need and what makes you feel better. There’s been a lot of back-and-forth on the importance of sodium because there was a marathoner who died from too little sodium and too much water. Dehydration generally seems to be a bigger issue for most people but that doesn’t mean concern for sodium isn’t important. I don’t generally drink them unless I go for a long run and usually then only when it’s hotter out. Again, you know what you need. They can be expensive and packed with a lot of sugar but there are options other than just Gatorated or Powerade. Luna makes a sports recovery drink that includes sodium, carbs and protein that may be worth checking out: http://www.clifbarstore.com/detail/CLF+230+DC. Not everyone loses sodium at the same rate. Some folks are “salty sweaters.” (It’s the term. Seriously. Don’t look at me like that – I didn’t make it up.) A good way to determine whether you really need a boost in the sodium area is by checking your sweat. Seriously, give your arm a lick post-run. How sweaty is it? Is your sweat burning your eyes? Are you ending up feeling gritty post-run (I do, especially around the face because I sweat a lot there). If so, you really need to consider getting some kind of electrolyte replacement. The benefit to “recovery drinks” is that they include other electrolytes you need to replace (calcium, potassium, etc). More on that here: http://www.active.com/nutrition/Articles/Electrolytes_101.htm

12. Sign up with Active.com and “like” them on Facebook.


It may be different in different regions of the country, but I have yet to sign up for a race WITHOUT going through Active.com. It’s easy if you just go ahead and get an account (there’s a free version). Here’s what’s cool about Active: they pretty well list every single race or sports event / competition on their website for runners, triathletes, etc. You can do searches for local events if you’re inclined to sign up for a race. Also, check out Schwaggle.com. This is the “Active.com” equivalent of “Groupon” or “Living Social” emails. Most of them I delete BUT it’s worth it to have in case they send out discounted race registrations. (My 5K I ran for $12 instead of $25 because I got a deal through the website.)

The other reason to sign up with Active.com and – maybe more importantly – “Like” them on Facebook: they constantly update with articles about running, nutrition, recipes, motivation, training, hydration, fitness, etc. The articles are pretty concise and informative and totally accessible (Runner’s World isn’t always). Also, they’re no-nonsense. None of the “SEVENTEEN PRODUCTS YOU MUST BUY NOW!” or “HOW TO LOOK SEXY WHILE YOU’RE SWEATING” nonsense. Beginners use it, advanced runners use it. Costs nothing to “Like” it.

13. Consider your supplements.

Daily vitamin, calcium supplement, check check. I just recently added Glucosamine and Chondroitin into my vitamin stash. Running is hard on the joints and especially your knees. Research has been pretty positive for the G-C supplements especially for runners. If you take it and it’s unnecessary, it’s not like it’s going to hurt you. You may want to consider it. http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-241-286-289-8138-0,00.html It’s one of those supplements I considered to be for people who already had joint problems, arthritis, etc… but it can apparently help prevent these things as well as easy joint pain when running.

14. Knee pain. It happens.

In fact, it probably never *doesn’t* happen if you run a lot. Most women have sustained some kind of knee injury at one point or another, and if you have you will feel it when you run. If you haven’t, you will start to feel one when you run. Hence, “Runner’s Knee” – that sort of mysterious, all-encompassing explanation for knee pain. If it’s a dull ache you’re probably okay to run. (Probably. I’m not a doctor.) You should evaluate if you’re sitting around whining about it whether you’re *actually* in enough pain not to run or whether you’re looking for excuses. I fully anticipate that I will have some pain when I run, especially at the start before all my muscles have warmed up. If it’s an acute pain it’s probably time to take off a week from running and/or go to the doctor. Again, you have to make the judgment call on this. There are ways to help, though. During running you can wear some kind of brace to try and help the impact. My go-to when I run is a knee strap. They cost about tend dollars and you can get them at any pharmacy, box store, etc. It’s a lot less bulky and easier to run with than a brace (and braces have a tendency to move/chafe when you run anyway). Post-running and stretching, lie down, elevate your knee above your heart and ice it. You’re aiming for the old RICE treatment: Rest-Ice-Compression-Elevation. (Google it.) Pop some ibuprofen to reduce swelling. If possible, switch up your running routines so that you’re not running on concrete all the time. Concrete has no give. Treadmill running is boring (I constantly have to find ways to stay entertained when I do it) but the bounce of the treadmill is a little kinder on the knees.

15. Stomach pain. It also happens.

NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THIS OR WARNS NEWBIE RUNNERS ABOUT THIS but some folks (self included) experience serious stomach cramps after longer runs. It’s miserable. It can send you running to the bathroom when you get back from said run before you even start stretching. There are lots of possible reasons, including the simple up-and-down movement of running causing stomach upset and blood being diverted from the intestines to the lungs during serious exercise. No matter what, it’s miserable. I recommend keeping a bottle of Pepto stocked and ready for immediately post-run. Here are two articles on the subject and possible ways to help prevent this/ease this. (I’m still working on finding the right balance of techniques.)

Runners World: http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-242-301--13482-0,00.html.

On Runner’s Trots (Oh, yeah. It also has a name): http://www.time-to-run.com/doctor/runnerstrots.htm

16. Get a buddy.

You don’t have to RUN with said buddy (although many people are much more motivated when they do have running partners) and I almost discourage you from running with your romantic partner. I don’t know that many people who have done it and haven’t been pissy and annoyed by the end. (Guys get competitive, don’t understand why you aren’t faster, don’t want to slow down, etc etc etc) I like running alone. I’m introverted and running with other people is kind of stressful for me. Besides – it’s my this-is-all-about-me-and-the-world-can-suck-it time. Get a buddy to keep you motivated. It could be a girlfriend who is also a runner and you guys can swap personal record time. It could be a facebook buddy to share info / news with. If you have someone you can talk to you have support for when the running sucks, a cheerleader for when it’s good and another source of information to keep you up-to-date. My “buddies” were people at work who also started running races in 2011. We swapped run times and race stories and “oh, hey, did you hear about—?“s.

17. “Like” Facebook pages that’ll keep you motivated and/or created a “motivation” board on Pinterest.

I hate hokey. I’m not sentimental and as a rule all the over-the-top “Be Positive!” stuff makes me want to punt babies. (Not literally). If something has more than three exclamation points and isn’t preceded by sarcasm I’m probably ignoring it. This does not apply to my running world. I don’t care what it is or how hokey. Any kind of picture on Facebook with dorky motivational quotes, slogans or pictures will help me get off my butt and out the door. Favorite pages of mine so far: Gibson’s Daily Running Quotes; Strong is the New Skinny, Fit Chicks, I <3 to Run. Seriously. I have no shame when it comes to these things.

18. Learn to love it or learn to love hating it.

I don’t like running. That magical moment when people suddenly say, “I love running! It makes me so happy! It’s great!” Yeah. I haven’t hit that. I don’t anticipate hitting it. In fact, most people I know who do run – and run A LOT – don’t love it. We all kind of hate it. We grumble and moan about it. We whine, even. We talk blisters, GI issues, aches, pains, sun burns, dehydration, crappy weather, poorly fitted running clothing, the replacement cost of running shoes. We do it because it’s healthy for us. We do it because it’s a sport that creates a shared camaraderie when you’re all one mile from the finish line and feeling like shit. (You will get to share looks with people crossing with you. It’s a “WTF were we thinking?” look the lasts five feet until right after you cross and then it’s, “HOLY CRAP, WE DID IT!”) We do it to defeat our own negative inner voices (I can’t? Like hell I can’t.) and set our own records. When you run, you don’t run against anyone else. You run against yourself. It’s sometimes good. It’s frequently miserable. We don’t love it. We have, however, learned to love hating it. Either way, we’ve got passion on the subject. So learn to love it or learn to love hating it. Just get off your ass and go.

Good luck! I know this seems like a given. It’s not. Make sure you drink extra the day before a long run, too. Personal foible: I didn’t drink enough the day before I ran the half-marathon. Even though I was grabbing water/Gatorade at the stations along the route so I thought I was hydrating well, I wasn’t. I ended up in the ER that night because I was dehydrated. Trust me, it’s a lot less fun than you think it is, especially when it gets to the point that you can’t even hold down water and spend hours dry heaving. DRINK THE WATER. Americans are perpetually dehydrated. If you only drink when you’re actually thirsty you’ve waited too long. I have 32-ounce Nalgene bottles and I aim to drink at least four of them a day.

How I Ran a Half Marathon (and you can, too!). (Part 1 of 2)

I started running(ish) about November 2010. It was a for fitness/to lose weight thing. It wasn’t super consistent and I had no real info/training/help/etc. I’d go to the gym a couple of times a week, get on the treadmill until I felt like I was going to die (uh… twenty minutes, usually, at about a 15ish-minute-mile pace) or hop on the elliptical until my toes felt all crampy (also twenty minutes, usually).


CUE THE CHANGE! In August 2011 I broke up with a guy. We’d had this dramatic, convoluted obnoxious thing going on for almost a year and finally I had a, “What the fuck am I doing?!” moment. I ended it. It was much needed (not a regret since - he was and still is a giant douche) but at the time it was kind of devastating. So at the end of Break-Up Week One I was all sad and mopey and WAHHHH and it didn’t help that we worked together (not, you know, in the same department but still) and I wasn’t sleeping or eating well and my brain was all foggy, etc. etc, etc.. It was literally the Friday of Break-Up Week One and totally on a whim, I was like, “I’m sad. I should do something so that I won’t feel sad any more. I’ll sign up for a half marathon.”

And THAT is why I shouldn’t be allowed to do things before I’ve had coffee in the morning.

I knew nothing about running except that you put on some shoes and move in a way that’s kind of like walking but kind of faster. Also, I have always hated running. The fat kid that came in last when you had to do the timed one-mile run in PE classes? Yeah, that was me. Usually I made it wheezing in at about a sixteen-minute mile. (Later I found out I had asthma. Whaddya gonna do?)

Sooo… I committed. I got into the best physical fitness of my life (*flexes*… okay, well, I was in November… I’m working on shedding holiday pounds, mmmkay?) and got all focused and it was great.

To save you some of the growing pains as you do this, here is the advice, anecdotes and tools I have to offer as you work towards your running goals.


1. Sign up for a race.

Seriously. It’ll give you a fixed point to stare at. You’ll have a deadline and goal. It’ll be specific. It’s WAY better to actually sign up first then say, “I’m gonna sign up when I feel like I can run x-miles.” You won’t ever feel that way. Before each race I was freaking out thinking that I couldn’t run x-number of miles. Unless you LOVE running, you won’t get that much motivation, either. So sign up for your BIG RACE and THEN sign up for at least one race before it. If you do a half-marathon, most schedules have you sign up for a 5K and 10K. It’s kind of disorienting and nerve-wracking the first time you race so it’s a good “practice run.” You’ll get a feel for what it’s like to get there, get your gear, warm up, be overwhelmed by the numbers of people, etc. You’ll also get to race and see what your time is looking like. (I was motivated at THE END of the race when I ran my first race ever – a 5K – in 27:21. Of my coworkers who also ran, I was the first to cross the finish line. Suck it, folks.) This will get you more motivated than you realize. It’ll also possibly be the first time you’ll think, “I can do this!” Because you can.


2. Follow a schedule.

The schedule I follow (roughly) is Hal Higdon’s. It’s online and free and completely easy. Here’s the link: http://www.halhigdon.com/training/

Pick the schedule you think you can follow and go for it. Almost any running schedule will tell you that there’s no benefit to training more than 4 days a week (your body needs recovery and it can be hard on the knees/back/joints). Do your best to keep to the schedule, especially your long run days. (Mine are always Sunday, but that’s just the easiest time for me). The schedules always run: short run – medium run – short run – long run. Don’t run more than four days unless you REALLY need it (you’re going to risk hurting yourself) and be fully prepared for your legs to hate you for at least a week, but probably two. I just started back into my schedule last week and by Friday (my second short day) my legs were lead. It’s normal. You’ll be amazed how quickly you stop feeling that way, though, once you get a couple weeks in. Just don’t get discouraged.

 3. Don’t skip days until you’re really in the loop.

It takes twenty-something days to make something a habit so do whatever you can not to take days off. I’ve skipped hanging out with friends, etc. to get my runs in. Last week I started running again (it was miserable after a week off but this week will be better and next week will be great) and I stuck to the schedule even though I was sore, tired and battling a gnarly cold. I hated it. I also know that unless I force myself to stick to the program, I will totally fall off. Most people don’t have the hop-on-hop-off discipline and honestly, unless you’re running a fever/having pneumonia/etc you can get your workout in anyway. Yes, it’s uncomfortable but most athletes do it and you won’t die from it. Truly.

4. Consider buying the Non-Runners Marathon Trainer (book).

Here’s a link: http://www.amazon.com/Non-Runners-Marathon-Trainer-David-Whitsett/dp/1570281823 I bought mine used. It has a very similar schedule included in it to what Hal Higdon does but it also addresses all kinds of things. Mental blocks, hitting “the Wall,” nutrition, preventing injuries, etc. It’s excellent and easy to read and perfect for those of us who have no idea what we’re really doing and are blindly feeling our way through it. I’m sure there are lots of variations of this same book out there written by different people. This is the only one I can vouch for because this is the one I’m familiar with and I liked it well enough.

5. Get fitted for your shoes.

Go to Fleet Feet and pay your hundred bucks and get shoes that are actually properly fitted. I can tell you that they probably won’t be cute or brightly colored but they will make you feel so much better. You cannot run the way you will be running in improperly fitting shoes. It WILL take a toll on your feet, your back and your knees. When you run in shoes that you’ve been fitted for you will be stunned at how different it feels. Be prepared to replace them after at least 6 months. I’ve gone through 3 pairs of shoes in the past year.


6. Get running socks and prep for blisters.


Thorlos are the go-to brand for running socks and they are usually about $14 a pair. Trust me, I didn’t think it would make a difference but it does. It really cuts down on blisters and discomfort because of the way they aerate and hold your foot. I still get blisters on longer runs on my arches but there are a couple of ways to help this is you’re having a hard time. Moleskin is effective and my new favorite go-to. Don’t put it over existing blisters, though. Some people love the anti-chafing sticks like Bodyglide or Band-Aid’s Blister Block. I tried the Band-Aid version and it didn’t do much for me but you may have better luck. If you DO get a blister I swear by Band-Aid “Advanced Healing Blister Cushions.” You can run with minimal comfort and walk the next day in regular shoes if you pop one of these suckers on. They are AMAZING. They’re also expensive, which is why I switched away from using these as a blister blocker on my arches and started using the moleskin. Better: they’re this crazy, flexible waxy material and can stay on your feet for a couple of days. Since they’re not fabric they don’t get all yicky feeling if/when you shower with them. Extends the life and helps stretch a penny.


7. DO NOT DO STATIC STRETCHING BEFORE RUNNING.
Everyone does this because they did it in gym class ten years ago. It is NOT good to do any static stretching (holding muscles stretched out like touching your toes, etc) BEFORE you work out / get your run on. Your muscles aren’t warmed up and you can hurt yourself. If you want to warm up, there are lots of dynamic stretches that you can do. (Google “dynamic stretches.”)


8. Watch your pace.

On your runs – but especially your long runs – make sure you start off with a slow, easy pace. Everyone wants to go SUPERFAST and then either ends up hurting themselves or burning out really quickly. I tend to keep beat to my music, so I had to create an iPod playlist specifically titled “Long Runs” just to avoid this. As you run more you may naturally get faster (or not). If you start at a dead sprint you will burn yourself out. At some point you’ll get into an easy groove with a comfortable pace and it’ll be awesome.

Fat America, Dumb Health Insurance

Riddle me this: Why do neither of the two health insurances I’m under cover any sort of nutritionist/dietitian…UNLESS I’ve been diagnosed with some sort of holy-shit-you-fucking-fatass-you-need-help disease? We have an obesity epidemic in this country, right? One that’s HIGHLY costly, even for the insurance companies? Seems like, you know, preventative shit would save everyone money. THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS, AMERICA. YOU EAT THEM. YOU EAT THEM UNTIL YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY HAS TO PAY TO COVER THE DAMAGE OF YOU EATING THEM.

Staceyann Chin is my favorite person of the day....

You can check her out here: http://www.staceyannchin.com

Catalogue the Insanity

Catalogue your insanity
type the small words
push them from you
fingers and feet
and fury first
find the flippant denial
affirm it
bend
forget what you used to call her
learn the name of her new lover
write it on wax paper
burn it
forget the smell of her cunt
carry one poem to orgasm

erase the lines
catalogue the blood
drink the solution with intent
it was meant to be so
accept it
chant the inevitable and fold her picture in three
tear into the center of her face
copy the broken image
and send it to her
imagine her happy
smile slitting the frame
imagine her in Iowa
cornfields bending beneath another's hand
the soft land warming her back
catalogue her leaving
admit that she was never there
imagine her driving
haikus scattered from Denver
to Kentucky to Khartoum
construct a betrayal
make it a thing of unspeakable beauty
forgive her
slit your wrists
survive
count the number of times you have kissed her
multiply by three
imagine she kisses Iowa
five times more than that

pack
unpack
pull your shoe-strings tighter than you need to
shave your head
move to Indianapolis
buy a dog
call her impossible
call her cell phone
hang up
call again
obsess
fuck other women who remind you of her
study their scent
shower less
stare at strangers
slip in and out of reality
do not explain yourself
survive

sleep with a man
swallow your fist
feel
survive
scrape the flesh from your unstable legs
abort the skeleton that stands there
ingest one gallon of paraffin
light a match from the box she left by your bedside
imagine her happy
then inhale

when e.e. speaks to me

i like my body

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which I will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh...And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you quite so new

---------------------------------------------

Though your sorrows not

Though your sorrows not

any tongue may name,
three i'll give you sweet
joys for each of them
But it must be your'
whispers that flower

murmurs eager this
'i will give you five
hopes for any fear,
but it Must be your'
perfectly alive
blossom of a bliss

'seven heavens for
just one dying,i'll
give you' silently
cries the(whom we call
rose a)mystery
'but it must be Your

-----------------------------------------------------
Somewhere i have never travelled

Somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
Any experience,your eyes have their silence:
In your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
Or which i cannot touch because they are too near

Your slightest look easily will unclose me
Though i have closed myself as fingers,
You open always petal by petal myself as spring opens
(Touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

Or if your wish be to close me,i and
My life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
As when the heart of this flower imagines
The snow carefully everywhere descending;

Nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
The power of your intense fragility:whose texture
Compels me with the colour of its countries,
Rendering death and forever with each breathing

(I do not know what it is about you that closes
And opens;only something in me understands
The voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
Nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

----------------------------------------------------------------

   xvii.

Lady,i will touch you with my mind.
Touch you and touch and touch
until you give
me suddenly a smile,shyly obscene

(lady i will
touch you with my mind.)Touch
you,that is all,


lightly and you utterly will become
with infinite ease

the poem which i do not write.

...

"But I tried, didn't I? Goddamnit, at least I did that." -- R. P. McMurphy, One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.

How to Know When You're Being Racist

This comes up over and over and over again....usually on teh innernetz. People like to try and weasel out of it in all sorts of ways ("I'm not being racist! Besides, when you say that I'm being racist it cheapens when people are really being racist!") because people are douchebags.

Here is a sure-fire way to tell if you're being racist:

Replace whatever ethnicity you're talking about with "black."

Still comfortable saying it out loud? How about in public? How about when you're around a lot of black people? No? 

 

You're being racist.

Done.

 

Don't ask me why this works...it was probably that little ol' slavery problem....and the KKK.....and the Civil Rights movement....and everything below the Mason-Dixon line in general.....but Americans are way more conscious of being racist towards African-American than any other ethnicity. 

 

Also, big black men are scary!!!! /sarcam

*** I came up with this in response to this Jezebel piece: http://jezebel.com/5687559/yes-calling-a-school-too-asian-is-racist